AN UGLY PERSONALITY, CAN DESTROY A PRETTY FACE

we don’t realize but we are the ones who suffer when we hold on to anger. its very tiring.

i am so gonna miss HP.

I LITERALLY GREW UP WITH IT!

omg!!!!

it cant end, its sinning!!!

so i didnt go to school today cause its gonna be ceramah WHOLE day long. BOOS~ i did slept for 11 hours last night :D i slept at 9.30pm and woke up at 8am :)

so yea...now i'm in my momma's office... iknow iknow. just went to digi to help my mum pay her bills, got my number back & UNFORTUNATELY didnt get jacq's PUK, cause she has to be there to get it..boo to that =(

now i'm thinking bout what should i do to kill time.hmm~ actually i do have somthing in mind buttt....shoould i? and should i go for the chinese singing competition thingee tmr? i mean, i really wanna show my suppot to ely&aaron but.....why am i hesitating o.o should i or should i not, decision decisions..

so addicted to 0330 @_@ but then in school i cant seem to sing it.. lawl..its a nice song to HEAR not sing =P lalalalala~

this week's been great.. not much studying going on. and i'm officially drama-LESS :) THAT i love...hope it last forever :)

seriously, one thing i learn: you dont know happiness unless u felt pain&sadness. kinda, something along that line :P

OH! and milk+honey is AWESOME!!! i bought some milk then due to the fact that m out of milo so mix it with honey....with heat of course..so its warm honey milk~ so niceeee...i finished a litre of milk in 2 days time. IKNOWRIGHT. i broke my own record ;)

gah!!! i cant seem to study too...=.= idk y..i really dont...exam is like in 2 weeks time...and i still have nothing digested =/ shit, m so freakin worried...like i cant seem to sit & listen (even in schl).

OMG! convo of the year:

grandma: eh, the fish very lil only ah so give ur aunt&uncle frm HK to eat, you eat something else

me: okay *smiles*

=__________= i am not joking.

but then its okay la since

1) i'm used to her being like that

2) i'm happy&hyper today :)

I was super duper hyper then got really tired, wanted to sleep but then cant, so i got a lil grumpy&anoyed at the end of the day =.= and MUET colloquium is OFFICIALLY OVER! :D whee~ i dont care how i did, cause its in the past, just glad that so many things are coming to an end :))

its a goood dayyy~

:D i'm happy today..i think i havent been happy for quite a while.

everything is just great today.

i feel a good vibe~ please be an awesome week, month, year. as long as possible!

and please let all my friends stay/be happy too.

that'd be great!!!

so muet presentation tmr =/

too bad no cash..i really did hope there was since the categories sounded so CLASSY, emerald, diamond&amethyst =.= and all we're gonna get is kokum marks, IF we scored in any of those categories...seriously, KOKUM MARKS...

=.=

oh well~ nvm at least helped brush up presentation skills i guess :)

gtg shower then sleep. was stuck in traffic for like 2 hours just now. seriously...

other than that my aunt&uncle is gonna be back from HK tonight, whee~~

dead beat x_x

truth?

truth is :

-sometimes i really like you&sometimes i just really hate you. idk why, you can make me like&hate you so much. i used to try so hard to please you but that was a long time ago and i've already learn that you will forever be bias in terms of loving people. so yea, i accepted that and life's been better, just the usual love-hate thing going on.

-when people starts talking bout you and all, like asking if i ever miss you when ur always outstation or that u seem to busy to be at home, idk what to answer. the truth will seem harsh, all i do is smile and say of course. cause you see thing is, i dont, i really dont care if your gone for a week or 2, a month. it really doesnt make a difference anymore. its like you're here but then you're not. may be i'm just used to it. in fact, i think i'd be really tired&annoyed if you have nothing else to do and is around me all the time.

-i really do miss talking to you in the car, i'd rather just sit in the car and talk to you rather than go back to a house where i could hardly call a home, or can i? idk, i just have what i call as my BED&my PILLOW. yea. thats all. but i guess you're gonna spend more time over there now, since some idiot said something that hurt you like that. i hope both of you can patch it back together, i want to help but i have enough on my mind&i really just dunno where to start. both of you are equally stubborn..tho i have to say the idiot is obviously more wrong in many ways.

-you are probably the biggest bitch i've ever known, but then i dont think there's anyone else in this world who knows me more than you. you can make me smile&laugh till my tummy ache& at the same time hurt me so much with your words. i hate the fact that i put u 1st in everything and that you dont, heck, sometimes i just feel like you dont even care. sometimes, i dont even know why do i care for you so much cause it seems so not worth it, ur so bloody unappreciative and just wish me to be gone half the time. and i know for a fact that you care bout your stupid game more than me. ugh!!! but then i just really dont know how will i be able to survive for 18 years without you by my side, sometimes, i realise its cause of you i can make it this far.

-you were my first friend i've known ever since i came back to malaysia, a country so foreign to me, the country where i had no foundation in, the country that has literally changed me&my life. and i guess its really due to the language that we were friends, cause we're really very different people. but then, i really love you for sticking with me through everything. i really dont know how would i be able to cope with high school if it wasnt for you. i hope you come back soon cause life's really hard without you around, and i really hope that everything's alright with you&him. him-who until today i've never met, sadly.... lawls, soon i hope. i get to visit you there. hahahah~ this had been said since what, i'm in form3? :P

-i would really like to say thank you for coming into my life last year, i know we've just met and all but then i can really just "click" with you, not only that but having u around is like getting a injected with happiness(especially in the morning). & thank you so much for just being there, eventho sometimes you know that i dont wanna talk bout it or that you dont know anything bout something(like last year), you were just there,never pressuring me to say anything just making sure i was alright. i love the fact that i could just drive over to your place to chill&talk. woman, know that i got your back. so yea... i'll listen to you&be there for you just like how u are there for me too. just stay strong for the people you love. life's tough but i know for a fact that you're definitely tougher than LIFE itself.

-you're probably the most peaceful, kind person i've ever know. like passive god-like kindness, you even cry for things that are just "a LIL touching". you've never been mad at anything. you just really listen to what everyone has to say. eventho i find it funny when i catch you not understanding what i say half the time AND THAT u pretend that you do. may be you're just scared that i'll be piss or soemthing if you ask me to repeat but i really wont, cause no one can really stay mad at you for a long time. i dont know how u do it. having such balance in your life. everyone loves you, you never offend anyone and you know..its so weird, strange in fact, how can anyone do that?? i really cant understand. so drama-less, picture perfect life.

-you have the same effect as any adorable 3-year old have on me.. not every tho, not really a toddler fan. but yea... i just hope ur always happy&gets good vibe everyday cause even when i'm sad or unhappy and stuff, watching you happy makes me smile and i just forgets bout my happiness for that 3 secs or may be more. and when ur depress..same thing la. i guess you just could affect others with your mood, so yea, stay happy. and do you know, ever since the first time i missed school, i have never failed to call you-its like a tradition/ritual alread. you're like my update-r cause even in the most boring-est of days you can find something interesting&funny to say. you're definitely one of the people i'm glad to meet when i enter this place. dont pressure yourself with stupid things&you can always talk to me or some1 else who u find close if something's up..k. dont keep it in cause u know&i know that when u tell it to someone you'll feel better :)

-thanks for making me laugh all the time, i'm really sorry for what i've done back when i was in form3, due to your gender preference i distant myself. guess it really hurt a lot. but then u just forgave me and stuff.. i'm glad now eventho we've gone our respective ways. we still hangs a lot, and you getting funnier each time we see each other :D friday night was a blast. i havent laugh so much in such a long time. thank you so very very much. and sorry for all i've done to you, i know i kinda treat u in a really mean way at times. and you always just say "xi guan jiu hao" m really sorry bout that =( and thanks for caring eventho you have no idea what is happening in my life :) but u know just making me laugh, makes my day. so yea..thanks~

-i dont even know, why should i include in this, its like you're so not even worth my time talking bout you here.in my blog. but yea...i used to like you, until things happened last year. and then i hate you, now i just sympathise you..with a lil dislike,hatred. yea... i sympathise you for being so attention seeking and yet could never get it. you're causing so many dramas&troubles for other people, i'd wish you'll stop. but knowing you, i doubt it. you have a man, and yet you go around the school flirting with every bloody guy you see. seriously, whore much? but yea..whatever la, may be u lack attention at home (which is kinda impossible since knowing ur family background, i HIGHLY doubt it) and i realise you hate to see me happy, so yea, too bad i caught on that part fast so now whenever you're around, even when i'm depress, i'll act HAPPY.

-i would say i trust u a lot, but then i wouldnt rely on you in times of real troubles and stuff cause well you put your own emotions in front of everyone else's needs. so yea, relying on you will be risky and i am not a risk-taker. so yea. &your words are like so fake at times, half of the time i dont believe it, its like so taken out from books or part of movies and stuff you know, like the one line that everyone goes " *o* awwwww~ " but then in reality the poeple uttering these lines does not exist, so yea..i dont buy it. honestly, i dont. but then, i'm really glad that i met you&the other fella, who could make my day if the 3 of us just hangout and all without the DISTURBANCE of certain people. last year seemed easy enough, this year, we cant even get like half an hour to ourselves =( sadly... anyways, i wanna thank you too for genuinely caring, listening to me venting&ranting :P

-you're like one of the people i consider close, but too bad we're not of the same class&everything else. may be its fate? never of the same class,sports house,any clubs, nothing.. o.o but then idk why u always have that perfect timing, there when i needed someone. so yea..thanks for everything, i think no "thanks" is enough to tell you how much i really thank you, the gratitude&all for everything you've done(not once or twice but quite a few times). its just too bad that now, our friendhsip has gotten like this. i hope everything will be alright soon. i'm sorry for everything that i've done to you&put you in. seriously i am. so anyways, just do what you want, and yea, i'm here whenever you need me. take care of yourself and just stay focus on your studies.

-i'm really surprise at the amount of trust you placed on me knowing that we've only met each other less than a year. i know you're not exactly everyone's favorite person&that you really have troubles with one of your friend(s) but yea...hope you stay strong and all. some people will dislike you cause may be they dont know your story . but yea, you really do have LOTS of room for improvement and i really hope you'll work on it, cause seriously, it'll definitely make you a better person&that your relationship with other people will be better. oh! and thanks for updating me with all those current issues and make these kind of topics real fun(thanks to the sarcasm) :P its really rare and hard to find people who can discuss these kind of topics with, so yea :)

dont include me in your plans and use me like some shit.

i have a life & i dont like my time wasted on useless things like THIS.

i have better things to do & i deserve a choice/an option too!

what's on todays agenda:

-wedding

-work

-concert

this is gonna be a longg busy, tiring day =_=

there goes my holidayyyyyyy, my supposedly day off~

yay! my sis doesnt mind ;D so i guess ima just go hangs with jing&yan at damai until my mum calls and says "where are the both of you" in french :D
i suddenly feel like making a twitter acc =O but nooo, must not giveee in to twitttter-r--r---r =P

overall on today:
morning- went to school for maths extra class, very short-lived fun, ended up getting warned by teacher not to discuss anything OTHER than maths

afternoon/evening- hung out at jacqs place, discussing bout MUET&a lil catching up :)

nights- supposedly go to tsung tsin to help my mum out with something..something very boring&time-wasting, no offence momma, so yeaa~ planning to escapeee =D



~~hope you get over it soon, i really want my friend back :( and sorry for everything you had to go through....

i dont care my hair is wet
and i haven't eat my dinner yet,
i'm going to bed..

so freakin' tired. and i'm glad everything turned out well,
got the mice for the dissection tomorrow liao.
havent been sleeping well these few nights, more like slept late&wake super early. so yea..and i swear just now i was hallucinating, like delusional-ish, not in terms of sight, but hearing =/
freakayyyy

i am TIRED of:

-saying sorry to people eventho sometimes its NOT my fault.

-patching things back together knowing it'll fall apart again

-thinking that friendship matters to some poeple, obviously now i can see that its very one-sided only.

-pretending things didn't happen just so that things don't get weird and awkward.

-being nice to people and actually cares, cause it leads to MORE problems

-having people ASSUMING this and that while never stating it clearly in the first place

anyways..you people just do what you want cause i dont give a damn anymore. if you have a problem with me, TALK, if you dont talk, i seriously dont know what to do as well cause dont say i didnt try, CAUSE I DID! there is only so much i can do.

x

I ♥ YOU: How do you know if it is love or lust?

If you still feel attracted when your lust is satisfied, then it’s love. Most people confuse lust with love; the difference is that while lust is self-serving love is unlimited and unselfish.

Is it lust, or what?

So how can you tell the difference between lust and love? Here are a few tips to help you sort things out.

IT’S LUST IF:

• You’re totally focused on her looks and body
• Even before you know her name, you’re already fantasizing about what she looks like naked and what it would be like to have sex with her.
• You don’t care about anything she has to say
• It wouldn’t make a difference to you if you never had a conversation with her. Furthermore, you don’t bother to return her calls promptly and you can easily go for days without talking to her — until you get horny again.
• You only want to be with her to have sex
• You make excuses not to spend time with her, except for sex. And if she asks you for a favor, you tell her you’re too busy. But if you have to be with her and not have sex, she gets on your nerves and you find yourself fantasizing about other women.
• She’s your booty call
• After you go out trolling for tail with your buddies on Friday night, you then call her at 1 a.m. for some drunken action. Ah, the booty call.
• You leave after sex
• After having sex with her, you look for the easiest way to leave. No cuddling, no breakfast the next morning, just “I gotta go.”

IT’S LOVE IF:

• You have great chemistry
• You get lost in your conversations, and the hours pass like minutes. You’re more than willing to listen to her when she talks about her day. The chemistry between you is remarkable.
• You find her beautiful
• Even if you catch her with no makeup on and her hair pulled back while she’s unclogging a toilet, she still looks beautiful to you.
• You want to spend time with her
• All you want to do is to be with her, whether you’re having sex or not. Even if she tells you that sex will have to wait, you don’t care.
• You see a future together
• You experience the strange feeling that your life would be totally empty without her. You tell your friends and family that she may be The One, and you’re even thinking about marrying her.
• You introduce her to your family
• It becomes very important to you that your parents like her, and that she gets along with everyone close to you.
• You include her in all your plans
• Whether you’re going out with your male friends or taking your dog for a walk, you want her there with you. And if she’s not there, you can’t get her off your mind and sneak off to give her a quick “I miss you” phone call. Of course, you don’t tell your buddies.
• You are more romantic
• All of a sudden you find yourself listening to cheesy romantic songs and thinking of her. You send her flowers and love notes to work and set up romantic evenings candlelit dinners at home.
• You always take her side
• If someone says anything even slightly disparaging about her, you immediately rise to her defense. Furthermore, in social gatherings, you always agree with her even if you disagree behind closed doors.
• She makes you want to be a better man
• She challenges and motivates you. She makes you happy, and you’d do anything to make her happy.
• When it is love, you catch yourself thinking about how much fun you have with that person and when it is lust you catch yourself thinking about their body.

LOVE is when you care about someone more than you care about yourself.

LUST is when you want to sleep with them.

INFATUATION is when you can’t stop thinking about someone, and you desperately want to spend as much time with them as possible. Usually when you aren’t sure if it’s love or lust, it’s really infatuation. It’s possible to love someone, lust for someone, and to be infatuated with someone all at the same time.

YOU KNOW THAT ITS LOVE WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE SEX TO FEEL CONNECTED TO THE PERSON. YOU FEEL COMPLETE AND HAPPY JUST HOLDING HANDS OR TALKING WITH THEM AND WHEN YOU DO HAVE PHYSICAL CONTACT AN EXPLOSION TAKES PLACE EACH TIME WITH A FRESH AND NEW FEELING EVERY TIME. LUST IS A QUICK SATISFYING FEELING THAT QUICKLY GOES AWAY AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE!

-got it from mag's tumblr-

i think i need to focus, FOCUS and just freakin' FOCUS!

cause of what happen lately i'm always just looking out through a window, thinking bout something. its like physically i'm here, yea. but then my mind is somewhere else, thinking bout endless things. always in a daze.

i think that was how my phone got stolen without even me realising, the strap hung out of my pocket, someone could have just stole it like that and i didnt realise until a few hours later.

i need to focus on my studies, anything&everything else should come second. i am tired of getting side-track by all these shits that happens which cause me lose my concentration.

and yea, i'll be joining mooting.

on thursday night, i had a deal with myself,

whatever shits thats gonna happen, i am NOT going to cry again.

but you see, things just sometimes dont wanna work the way you want them to. after a hellish week, you think it couldnt be any worse right? i fought with friends, lost some friends. my academics are probably suffering, cant really pay attention in class. whatever, the list goes on. and just when i thought finally, saturday, MUET is over. i came back home realising that my phone is missing. and no its not misplaced. its just MISSING. and i tried calling it went "the number u dial is unreachable..." and you see i didnt silent my phone and i charge the batt last night, so yea, it cant possibly run out of batt.

i just dont know why anymore. may be its fun messing with me, pushing me to my limits, see how far i can go before i crash completely. idk, may be its just some sick joke from someone, somewhere beyond my comprehension and control. i really dont know. the phone is just 2 months old...i really dont know what to say to life anymore. i just dont. i'm just hoping the best case scenario to happen : it fell off somewhere in the car, hit something and switched off by itself, but we all know how ridiculous that sound, and if it really did happen like how i thought it can play out, that will be a miracle, and yes, thats all i'm hoping for..just a freakin miracle.

and yes, i havent shed a single tear, i'm planning to keep what i promise to myself on that thursday night.