random thoughts

I wonder why there's no app for blogger on a windows phone...

and I bloody can't publish post through my phone. Just can sage it into drafts -_- sadness, oh wells~ better than nothing i suppose :)

it's like I'm looking for something BUT I don't know what it is.

If you can't handle me at my worst,

You don't deserve me at my best.

leave room for expectation, more rooms for dissapointment.

prove me wrong, cause i dont wanna be right.

T_T

Because of STPM, i cant:

1) go for this all expenses paid trip to malacca.

(its a camp thingee, and i was given the opportunity)

2) go to kL to see me momma go on stage :(

3) play arcane's TD, digimon, PS2

4) watch 那些年，我們一起追的女孩 or any other movie on my computer

5) read my novels or those online stories

6) hangs with me friends

7) skype or be on the phone 24/7

8) sleep without feeling guilty...

STPM, BE GONE you evil EXAM! >=/

today today :D

started off pretty bad actually~ in the morning mum&sis was like UGHH! piss me off only... and sis's way of talking to me bha. so yeaaa~

but then after that i stayed in her library from 9.30am till 3pm studying CHEM, whole way through... heheh~

i swear her teacher (this one teacher only) realises that i'm a PTI. he'll smirk every single freakin' time he sees me. creepy =/

so after that i went hiking in bkt padang (like usual) :D

i really love to hike now...especially nowadays, cause

1) if i stay at home, i'm no match when it comes to fighting the urge to sleep..

the bed, my best friend and worst enemy. yes, obviously a love-hate relationship there :P

2) i love the scenery, the height, the WIND x)

3) i can sleep well at night, and i feel healthy~

so anyways, bump into eloise again today, she just started when i was about to leave. hehehe!~ and went to buy cakoi for my grandma...

the most awkward thing happen when i was buying cakoi...

so he speaks faster than me and seem to can read my mind, which is pretty good cause after hiking i always have brain jam moments, so when i was about to payy...

him: anything else?

me: nope

him: seldom see you come already oh

me: no ah, always come ah

him: then never come buy liao la

me: *awkward laugh*

seriously........

highlight of the day: when going through the kiansom road, I SAW A PIGGY CROSS THE ROAD. seriously!! a PIGGY! x) i didnt even know there're piggys here..i thought they're all somewhere far far away o.o

oh! and i knew malaysia won, 5-4 cause a kid was screaming on top of the hills..together with malaysia boleh and kami yakin sama kau or something along that line :P correct if i'm wrong tho, on the score ;)

looool~ i dont even know why i blogged this xP heheh~ oh wells :D

and i super hate pimples =/ idk why its all coming out...shhhiiitttt~ must be the stress >=/

you're the apple of my eye

omg! i really really wanna watch 那些年，我们一起追的女孩

i really dont get it why is it only screened at growball! WHY?!!!!

gah!!! i dont think i've ever been despo, wanting to watch a chinese movie.

since i'm pretty much the kind yang watch or dont watch also ok de =.=

BUT, i REALLY wanna watch this T_T

i've watch the trailer for like 100000 times -________-

sad...

youtube it plp, its one of the best chinese movie ever made.

it even beats immortal and all that in malaysia, and yet the whole kk only growball has it T_T

everything's gonna be alright

currently playing good charlotte-waldorf worldwide.

the title is part of the lyrics, its random ;)

i really don't know why am i blogging so much lately.

shopping with my retarded sis when she's hyper is both really nice, and embarrassing.

like seriously, she sings on top of her voice (purposely out of pitch, tune and all that), and so everywhere i turn people keep staring.

but at the same time, its so retarded and you cant help laughing with her x)

so we were suppose to buy some ingredients for this dish that my dad's gonna cook and it requires chili boh, but there were none.

so she asked this dude, where to get cili boh, and he showed us cili giling and we were like, ini bukan cili boh. the workers stared at us as if we're idiots.

then there were lots of nurses cause i guess their class just ended (masterskill) then i was like

why are there so many nurses here?

sis: cause today is cosplay day

me: really?

sis: yea, look at that

*kid in mickey mouse suit walked pass us*

LAWL~~~seriously, talk about coincidence :P

life lessons

growing up, you'll realise that there are things that one should learn,

they call it, life-lessons.

a few techniques/skills that one need to obtain/get/perfect before reaching adolescence:

1) smile, no matter how sad or depress or whatever shit you feel, smile. and make it look real~

2) trust no one completely. yes of course you're allowed to trust, d'oh~ but never place a 100% trust on one certain individual, cause if that person leave...well yea, we better not get to that, its saddening.

3) learn how to cherish every hour, minute, second. cause time waits for no man, no kidding.

once its over, its over. all that's left will be memories

4) if you're not a loner, start getting use to the idea that as you grow older, solo time will happen more often. cause truth is, no matter how many friends you have, you're alone. your own battles to fight, your own life to live. not your friends, not your family. no one, not even your own shadow is there for you ALL THE TIME.

5) brace yourself for the fact that people come and go. ever heard of the friends come in for a reason, a season and a lifetime bla3 story? its true. friends today may not be your friend tomorrow. well, at least thats better than people who pretend to be your friend and yet, does things behind your back. that, you gotta watch out for.

6) dont be prejudice. never judge a person by how they look and talk or whatever. because, everyone has their own story, so you have NO RIGHTS at all to judge. people who looked like they have it all are the ones who usually have nothing at all. yes, its that bad. so before you start commenting on others, THINK, who are you to be commenting? are you trying to play god? do you know what this person had to go through? why does he/she acts this way?

7) be there for the person who is there for you. most people take others for granted. this is true, its happening EVERY freakin' WHERE. and reality is a bitch cause you see, i dont know why, but humans have the tendency to do this. you care for A, and A cares for B and it goes on and on and on. and in the end everyone gets hurt and sad. cause you invest so much on A and A doesnt even care bout you and B cares for C more than B cares for A....okay, so you probably get the idea.

8) never believe a side to the story. cause whoever that is listening to your story, will obviously will be on your side. the story teller always tells the story where he, himself is a victim. get the full bloody story from 300 perspectives before judging the other characters of the story.

9) dont hate anyone. cause think about it, why do you wanna focus all your energy on this person. and who is this person, why do you even allow this person to even affect your mood that much. is it worth it? (and again refer to no.6)

oowh~ i'm done :D

but just cause i wrote all this, doesnt mean i've perfected them myself cause you see, OBVIOUSLY its easier said than done. so yea~ :/

it's just the little things in life i realise especially after entering form6. so i guess, form6 has its goods too :)

its just that, some of em, had to be learnt the hard way. ahhah~

too bad school doesnt teach us all these stuffs man... but i think, even if they do, its not like we can undestand it. as in of course we can understand, but in-depth understanding? okay nevermind, crappin' here :P

back to me beloved books.

so should i go for bio, chem or math now? O.o hmm~

x

believe, how to?

so i just came back from kundasang like yesterday :) it was a great trip, i swore to myself that i'm leaving all the sadness and things that are bothering me behind.

i love it when my dad tries to make my wish come true...

but something has been bothering me, and so i've decided to blog it...

no, its not for the hope that some hobo sees it and tries to help me out..

no its not for attn seeking purposes, cause if it was that i would have fb-ed instead of writing it in my bloody sad blog that no one even checks out on.

and no, i am not a depress child

so ima gonna go for this trip to climb Mt.K this coming jan.... with my classmates..

and i dont know whether i should go or not. (so i've already gave the deposit or whatever and passed up my ic) but you see thing is I STILL DONT!

why?

cause is it better for me to be there or not? will things be awkward?

THAT'S WHY.

so he said he wants to be friends, but thing is, if you really do, you can always text. i mean i know you informed the whole class to bring photocopied IC. eveyrone but me, what am i suppose to think about THAT? and the excuse for not having my number is just bullshit. true i have changed my number, but my original number is not disposed off yet ..

okay~ so i've heard you lost all your contacts..SO? the bloody form has my number on it. so what do you want me to make out of that?! sigh~ lost cause, i know.

its not like i can ask, another un-answered question that only allows assumptions to be done. again, with the assuming...

words are uttered in that sense whereas actions are showing otherwise

its the little things that shows. i'm no genius but reluctancy and hesitation is obviously there.

why should i go to a place with a bunch of people(okay so may be its not a bunch but just a few) who obviously doesnt want me there.

i am no thick-skinned, and i sense awkwardness in the air easily.

i can pretend i dont see it, feel it. but deep inside i know.

sigh~

for what purpose do i go? just so that i can make my own dreams come true, since i've always wanted to climb Mt.K.. just so that i can release you from your guiltiness of knowing that if i dont go, its cause of you?

but is it worth it? cause i may be able to climb next time, probably with people who actually wants me there, instead of, well yea...

lately, i really felt that i've lost you too. may be its cause i've been distancing? idk. no, actually its more like i dont know how to react to it. or what to do about it.

you're close to a person who i cant even talk to, what am i suppose to do bout that...

and NO, i dont hate you or anyone else for that matter.

its probably my own problem. everyone chooses their own path. so yea, there's no right or wrong in whichever road anyone choose. its reality i guess. its a bitch and we all just have to accept it.

yup, acceptance.

hence why i'm pretty glad why school is over. cause its really awkward and weird for me in school. sometimes i dont even know where i belong, where should i go, how should i act, what should i do. stressing. yea~ and its not even about academics. SERIOUSLY =.=

i tried staying smiley all the time, some days are better than others. smiling all the time does help, cause it actually feels like your really happy, so yea, thats good to that.

and some days are just hard..and so i gave up on my act and just tell the world i'm moodless. cause you see truth is, i am. my happy mood killed by my very own thoughts.

happiness & friends-- so hard to grasp it's meaning and how it feels as you get older, and heck i'm just 19 this year T_T hahah~ oh wells.

LIFE

x

hmm~ i shall make today a productive day :)

its been an uberly unproductive week anyways~

so to summarise it all up:

things worth remembering for this week!~

1) i ate crocodile meat, it was my first

2) school is ending in 4 more days

3) i graduated with all the robes and hats and stuff

4) fosis night is over (idk what to comment on the night itself tho)

5) i finally learn how to use whatsapp and i'm LOVING it

- i dont mind never reloading, starting from now ;)

6) i talked to my bestie of 8 years and so my sky is more of blues than greys compared to 2 days back

7) my uncle and his family (from labuan) is back!

8) i am detaching myself from me beloved phone

9) i'm starting to get serious? o.o (for academics)

10) tomorrow is a holiday!

i guess thats all, cant think fo anything else.

i have such an awesome playlist than it only consist of 4 songs, and all four are of different languages :) yay me~ :P heheh

all rights, back to my seductive books (I WISH)

x

this is who i am

i remember the days when i answer those weird questions from magazines or whatevers.
when it comes to questions where i had to pick one out of the two things that i like, for instance apple and pear (eventhough i dont quite like apple that much, assuming that i do. you pretty much get the idea right?) i'd pick both. see, thing is you cant. so i came out with a conclusion, between two things that i really love. if i cant get both i will choose neither.

i still dont know whether its a good thing or not. this personality of mine, but to be honest, i cant help it.
hence, the reason why i always dislike decision making cause obviously i am one of those super indecisive people.
hence, why i dont like to get pressured and pushed to a corner when it comes to deciding on choosing two things that i really like, love even.
it hurts a lot. getting stuck into these kind of situations.

so to my future friends, i hope you guys will never put me in these kind of situations. cause once you asked, there's no turning back.
if both cannot be accepted then it will be neither.
can you take that? can i take that?

4 more schooling days, and its all gonna be over.
the end of the most messed up chapter in my life,
form six.

this is who i really am