STPM OVER!

this post is like sooo 4 days late :P

anyways~ idk with STPM now completely out of the picture, except for the results part.... life feels so...empty.. its a weird feeling but yea.

i dont know, may be due to the absence of people. well you see i'm an extrovert and so extrovert draws energy from people.. so pretty much like some kind of supernatural being, BUT in a good way.. xP (right~)

soooo yeaa~ all i've been doing is just helping my mum out in the office.. stock, cash, teaching new people bout the system and bla3~ and i feel so lifeless... like, lack of accomplishment, lack of something that make me look forward to life...

which is actually pretty sad T_T so yeaaa~

then this morning actually, its more like YESTERDAY morning, cause its already past 12 x) i just woke up after 4 hours of sleep. slept at 4am woke up at 8 =.= anyways~ woke up feeling like "i need to get out of this place and seriously get to a place that people actually want/need me" like, a place where at least my presence is of an importance, welcoming at least? sooo yeaa~ hence why i book a flight to BRU :) after consulting with my *coughs* board of directors ;) their replies were VERY satisfying. heheh

so off i go to brunei next week. prolly one of my most spontaneous, unplanned plan... i mean, the trip is next week and still dont know who's pciking me up, but with all them bitches that can drive, i'm not worried at all ~

actually i dont plan to go for this trip since i'm going to kL on the 5th of jan.. but then i really cant stand it.. the lack of energy, life... yea, that!

love

love broke them when they were searching for it...

and surprisingly that's how they found each other,

i suppose that was how they clicked as well,

2 people from different background and an obvious language barrier

love helped mend their broken hearts,

and may be thats how things works out sometimes...

through looking for love, they fought, lost their battle, and found love on the way to recovery..

i dont know what is the status of their relationship...

i can only assume cause i have no rights to ask,

but whatever it is, i wish them both happy.

i wish him happy, and her as well

:)

when i tell myself i'm gonna study

1) get out of my bed

2) checks facebook and twitter

3) see/look/read some interesting things from those 2 websites

4) wasted a few minutes on those websites

5) feels a lil tired (eyes) so go back to the bed for a "take 5"

6) repeat step 1 to 5 for 200 times

7) FINALLY, gets out of my bed, and keep repeating this very line to myself

"I WILL NOW GO DOWNSTAIR WITHOUT STOPPING IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER"

and guess what peeps, this is just the first part :P

its a whole different chapter when i get my arse downstair, one that include:

1) no snacking

2) no looking for things (cause somehow i'll always end up upstairs, AGAIN then refer steps 2 to 5)

3) no piano

yesh, i am THAT good when it comes to disciplining myself

random thoughts

I wonder why there's no app for blogger on a windows phone...

and I bloody can't publish post through my phone. Just can sage it into drafts -_- sadness, oh wells~ better than nothing i suppose :)

it's like I'm looking for something BUT I don't know what it is.

If you can't handle me at my worst,

You don't deserve me at my best.

leave room for expectation, more rooms for dissapointment.

prove me wrong, cause i dont wanna be right.

T_T

Because of STPM, i cant:

1) go for this all expenses paid trip to malacca.

(its a camp thingee, and i was given the opportunity)

2) go to kL to see me momma go on stage :(

3) play arcane's TD, digimon, PS2

4) watch 那些年，我們一起追的女孩 or any other movie on my computer

5) read my novels or those online stories

6) hangs with me friends

7) skype or be on the phone 24/7

8) sleep without feeling guilty...

STPM, BE GONE you evil EXAM! >=/

today today :D

started off pretty bad actually~ in the morning mum&sis was like UGHH! piss me off only... and sis's way of talking to me bha. so yeaaa~

but then after that i stayed in her library from 9.30am till 3pm studying CHEM, whole way through... heheh~

i swear her teacher (this one teacher only) realises that i'm a PTI. he'll smirk every single freakin' time he sees me. creepy =/

so after that i went hiking in bkt padang (like usual) :D

i really love to hike now...especially nowadays, cause

1) if i stay at home, i'm no match when it comes to fighting the urge to sleep..

the bed, my best friend and worst enemy. yes, obviously a love-hate relationship there :P

2) i love the scenery, the height, the WIND x)

3) i can sleep well at night, and i feel healthy~

so anyways, bump into eloise again today, she just started when i was about to leave. hehehe!~ and went to buy cakoi for my grandma...

the most awkward thing happen when i was buying cakoi...

so he speaks faster than me and seem to can read my mind, which is pretty good cause after hiking i always have brain jam moments, so when i was about to payy...

him: anything else?

me: nope

him: seldom see you come already oh

me: no ah, always come ah

him: then never come buy liao la

me: *awkward laugh*

seriously........

highlight of the day: when going through the kiansom road, I SAW A PIGGY CROSS THE ROAD. seriously!! a PIGGY! x) i didnt even know there're piggys here..i thought they're all somewhere far far away o.o

oh! and i knew malaysia won, 5-4 cause a kid was screaming on top of the hills..together with malaysia boleh and kami yakin sama kau or something along that line :P correct if i'm wrong tho, on the score ;)

looool~ i dont even know why i blogged this xP heheh~ oh wells :D

and i super hate pimples =/ idk why its all coming out...shhhiiitttt~ must be the stress >=/

you're the apple of my eye

omg! i really really wanna watch 那些年，我们一起追的女孩

i really dont get it why is it only screened at growball! WHY?!!!!

gah!!! i dont think i've ever been despo, wanting to watch a chinese movie.

since i'm pretty much the kind yang watch or dont watch also ok de =.=

BUT, i REALLY wanna watch this T_T

i've watch the trailer for like 100000 times -________-

sad...

youtube it plp, its one of the best chinese movie ever made.

it even beats immortal and all that in malaysia, and yet the whole kk only growball has it T_T

everything's gonna be alright

currently playing good charlotte-waldorf worldwide.

the title is part of the lyrics, its random ;)

i really don't know why am i blogging so much lately.

shopping with my retarded sis when she's hyper is both really nice, and embarrassing.

like seriously, she sings on top of her voice (purposely out of pitch, tune and all that), and so everywhere i turn people keep staring.

but at the same time, its so retarded and you cant help laughing with her x)

so we were suppose to buy some ingredients for this dish that my dad's gonna cook and it requires chili boh, but there were none.

so she asked this dude, where to get cili boh, and he showed us cili giling and we were like, ini bukan cili boh. the workers stared at us as if we're idiots.

then there were lots of nurses cause i guess their class just ended (masterskill) then i was like

why are there so many nurses here?

sis: cause today is cosplay day

me: really?

sis: yea, look at that

*kid in mickey mouse suit walked pass us*

LAWL~~~seriously, talk about coincidence :P

life lessons

growing up, you'll realise that there are things that one should learn,

they call it, life-lessons.

a few techniques/skills that one need to obtain/get/perfect before reaching adolescence:

1) smile, no matter how sad or depress or whatever shit you feel, smile. and make it look real~

2) trust no one completely. yes of course you're allowed to trust, d'oh~ but never place a 100% trust on one certain individual, cause if that person leave...well yea, we better not get to that, its saddening.

3) learn how to cherish every hour, minute, second. cause time waits for no man, no kidding.

once its over, its over. all that's left will be memories

4) if you're not a loner, start getting use to the idea that as you grow older, solo time will happen more often. cause truth is, no matter how many friends you have, you're alone. your own battles to fight, your own life to live. not your friends, not your family. no one, not even your own shadow is there for you ALL THE TIME.

5) brace yourself for the fact that people come and go. ever heard of the friends come in for a reason, a season and a lifetime bla3 story? its true. friends today may not be your friend tomorrow. well, at least thats better than people who pretend to be your friend and yet, does things behind your back. that, you gotta watch out for.

6) dont be prejudice. never judge a person by how they look and talk or whatever. because, everyone has their own story, so you have NO RIGHTS at all to judge. people who looked like they have it all are the ones who usually have nothing at all. yes, its that bad. so before you start commenting on others, THINK, who are you to be commenting? are you trying to play god? do you know what this person had to go through? why does he/she acts this way?

7) be there for the person who is there for you. most people take others for granted. this is true, its happening EVERY freakin' WHERE. and reality is a bitch cause you see, i dont know why, but humans have the tendency to do this. you care for A, and A cares for B and it goes on and on and on. and in the end everyone gets hurt and sad. cause you invest so much on A and A doesnt even care bout you and B cares for C more than B cares for A....okay, so you probably get the idea.

8) never believe a side to the story. cause whoever that is listening to your story, will obviously will be on your side. the story teller always tells the story where he, himself is a victim. get the full bloody story from 300 perspectives before judging the other characters of the story.

9) dont hate anyone. cause think about it, why do you wanna focus all your energy on this person. and who is this person, why do you even allow this person to even affect your mood that much. is it worth it? (and again refer to no.6)

oowh~ i'm done :D

but just cause i wrote all this, doesnt mean i've perfected them myself cause you see, OBVIOUSLY its easier said than done. so yea~ :/

it's just the little things in life i realise especially after entering form6. so i guess, form6 has its goods too :)

its just that, some of em, had to be learnt the hard way. ahhah~

too bad school doesnt teach us all these stuffs man... but i think, even if they do, its not like we can undestand it. as in of course we can understand, but in-depth understanding? okay nevermind, crappin' here :P

back to me beloved books.

so should i go for bio, chem or math now? O.o hmm~

x

believe, how to?

so i just came back from kundasang like yesterday :) it was a great trip, i swore to myself that i'm leaving all the sadness and things that are bothering me behind.

i love it when my dad tries to make my wish come true...

but something has been bothering me, and so i've decided to blog it...

no, its not for the hope that some hobo sees it and tries to help me out..

no its not for attn seeking purposes, cause if it was that i would have fb-ed instead of writing it in my bloody sad blog that no one even checks out on.

and no, i am not a depress child

so ima gonna go for this trip to climb Mt.K this coming jan.... with my classmates..

and i dont know whether i should go or not. (so i've already gave the deposit or whatever and passed up my ic) but you see thing is I STILL DONT!

why?

cause is it better for me to be there or not? will things be awkward?

THAT'S WHY.

so he said he wants to be friends, but thing is, if you really do, you can always text. i mean i know you informed the whole class to bring photocopied IC. eveyrone but me, what am i suppose to think about THAT? and the excuse for not having my number is just bullshit. true i have changed my number, but my original number is not disposed off yet ..

okay~ so i've heard you lost all your contacts..SO? the bloody form has my number on it. so what do you want me to make out of that?! sigh~ lost cause, i know.

its not like i can ask, another un-answered question that only allows assumptions to be done. again, with the assuming...

words are uttered in that sense whereas actions are showing otherwise

its the little things that shows. i'm no genius but reluctancy and hesitation is obviously there.

why should i go to a place with a bunch of people(okay so may be its not a bunch but just a few) who obviously doesnt want me there.

i am no thick-skinned, and i sense awkwardness in the air easily.

i can pretend i dont see it, feel it. but deep inside i know.

sigh~

for what purpose do i go? just so that i can make my own dreams come true, since i've always wanted to climb Mt.K.. just so that i can release you from your guiltiness of knowing that if i dont go, its cause of you?

but is it worth it? cause i may be able to climb next time, probably with people who actually wants me there, instead of, well yea...

lately, i really felt that i've lost you too. may be its cause i've been distancing? idk. no, actually its more like i dont know how to react to it. or what to do about it.

you're close to a person who i cant even talk to, what am i suppose to do bout that...

and NO, i dont hate you or anyone else for that matter.

its probably my own problem. everyone chooses their own path. so yea, there's no right or wrong in whichever road anyone choose. its reality i guess. its a bitch and we all just have to accept it.

yup, acceptance.

hence why i'm pretty glad why school is over. cause its really awkward and weird for me in school. sometimes i dont even know where i belong, where should i go, how should i act, what should i do. stressing. yea~ and its not even about academics. SERIOUSLY =.=

i tried staying smiley all the time, some days are better than others. smiling all the time does help, cause it actually feels like your really happy, so yea, thats good to that.

and some days are just hard..and so i gave up on my act and just tell the world i'm moodless. cause you see truth is, i am. my happy mood killed by my very own thoughts.

happiness & friends-- so hard to grasp it's meaning and how it feels as you get older, and heck i'm just 19 this year T_T hahah~ oh wells.

LIFE

x

hmm~ i shall make today a productive day :)

its been an uberly unproductive week anyways~

so to summarise it all up:

things worth remembering for this week!~

1) i ate crocodile meat, it was my first

2) school is ending in 4 more days

3) i graduated with all the robes and hats and stuff

4) fosis night is over (idk what to comment on the night itself tho)

5) i finally learn how to use whatsapp and i'm LOVING it

- i dont mind never reloading, starting from now ;)

6) i talked to my bestie of 8 years and so my sky is more of blues than greys compared to 2 days back

7) my uncle and his family (from labuan) is back!

8) i am detaching myself from me beloved phone

9) i'm starting to get serious? o.o (for academics)

10) tomorrow is a holiday!

i guess thats all, cant think fo anything else.

i have such an awesome playlist than it only consist of 4 songs, and all four are of different languages :) yay me~ :P heheh

all rights, back to my seductive books (I WISH)

x

this is who i am

i remember the days when i answer those weird questions from magazines or whatevers.
when it comes to questions where i had to pick one out of the two things that i like, for instance apple and pear (eventhough i dont quite like apple that much, assuming that i do. you pretty much get the idea right?) i'd pick both. see, thing is you cant. so i came out with a conclusion, between two things that i really love. if i cant get both i will choose neither.

i still dont know whether its a good thing or not. this personality of mine, but to be honest, i cant help it.
hence, the reason why i always dislike decision making cause obviously i am one of those super indecisive people.
hence, why i dont like to get pressured and pushed to a corner when it comes to deciding on choosing two things that i really like, love even.
it hurts a lot. getting stuck into these kind of situations.

so to my future friends, i hope you guys will never put me in these kind of situations. cause once you asked, there's no turning back.
if both cannot be accepted then it will be neither.
can you take that? can i take that?

4 more schooling days, and its all gonna be over.
the end of the most messed up chapter in my life,
form six.

this is who i really am

so i havent blog since 400 b.c.

anyways~ a quick update : (doubt anyone is still reading my blog but yea ^^)

stpm is in a month away (no joke) and here i am. enjoying life as if stpm is just a fragment of my imagination. denying reality. *pats myself* very you, ming.

yes child, you should buck up and study! seriously =.=

so yea, i feel like my blog is so lifeless cause all i seem to blog about is my study life. cause you see thats THE SAD PART, i only have a study life. not~ :P hehehe~ jk~

okay, this is so lame, its like talking to myself. i feel pathetic now =.= i shall go read! :D the lost symbol. no, i should not, i should read my bio volume 1...

guess what, i shall stop and have my internal battles, off this website.

till here then! ^^

(excuse me for my internal-chat-battling-thingee)

SHE

-makes me wanna be a bitch

-brings out the worst in me

-made me realise that i am NOT a very nice person (never would i have thought that i could be this mean)

-makes me hate myself

HAHA! and you should see the texts my sis and i send to each other if its related to her.

Bild der Zeit!

*o*

to weirdo :)

THIS, if it was me a few years back i would prolly disagree with it but as i grow older i realise, this is really true. i prolly wouldnt be able to live this long or survive this far without my sis. so yea.

why did i suddenly write such a post? its cause it was her birthday yesterday. and i'm really glad that she had fun with her friends and all. well, technically she made yesterday a day that i will never forget too. with that said, i would just add in a "everything happens for a reason" ;) a good cause :)

anyways~

i know she's prolly NEVER gonna read this post anyway but i dont know i just feel like blogging today. heheh~ thanks for bearing with my crap peeps ;)

well, thats all for now. TAKE CARE to whoever is reading this.

:)

life as it is

haha~ i suddenly miss a lot of people :) i dont know. random, just hits me.

i havent been in touch with A LOT OF PEOPLE. i wonder how they are;

LYDS! especially you, no word woman . simmy. nickt. winss. jason. james. sou wei&wen. jingy. yan2.

wonder how they are. i didnt realise how lng i havent been in contact until my dad suddenly ask me bout 1 of em. then i was like....idk o.o lawl

actually now that i think about it, its not only those that are far that m losing my contact. even those that are near. ely, jacqs.... :( hmm~ everyone's is busy with their own thang.....

stpm= life killer T_T

neway~ thank you BIOLOGY. for at least securing me a spot for "lulus sepenuh". m working bloody hard for stpm. disciplining myself and all for it. *pumped up* i even deleted digimon on my computer, backed up in hard disk tho. but not touching it until this whole stpm thing is over. BOOS~

and m loving the mozart eventho it has some probs here and there. as in limitations. but wifi is pretty awesome, incomparable to iphone, esp in terms of apps but overall still not bad :)

x

i'd like to think that....

it's cause of me, it rained. but thats pretty impossible, isnt it?

my thoughts EXACTLY:

HOMG! its sunday ALREADY?!

time flies. seriously. especially during holidays.

tomorrow will be the beginning of a VERY LONG school term =/ BOOS to THAT!

i am the epitome of lazy arses AND procrastination

study.study.study.study.study.study. i'm actually trying to incorporate that into my mind and just set it straight, like STUDY THE WHOLE DAY.period. so yea...study.study.study.

a bit on this week's happening:

went to isna's house on friday (open house) and almost EVERYONE from class was here :O only like 4 people weren't there. and last year, it was like only 3 person went. ahahha~ huge difference man.

yesterday went to work like usual then went to api-api mcD with yanyan&ely :) they wanted to help me celebrate my bday x) hehehe~ ely bought me ice cream and they bought secret recipe cake for mee. hehehe~ but the burger was so filling that we couldnt finish the cake, so i brought it home. then we walked around cp :) i so terharu xD heheheh~ and so i just got jacqiee's letter ytd too :P eventho she prepared it like weeks before! hahaha~

♥

looking for that drive

i'll be completely honest.

i'm out of drive~

must not give in to sloth, laziness.....

i'm currently craving for ice cream tho, magnum to be exact.

SEPTEMBER! pls be nice.

ADDICTED TO JET LAG!

check out thethe french vers too~

simple plan ft marie-mai :)

random

too much bio does this to you x.x

#1

the thing about taking out everything that could possibly reminds others of your birthday...

you'll be surprised by who actually remembers it :)

to those who did, thank eu. even if its just wishes, be it advance, on that day or belated, it suffices.

#2

ima gonna come up with a bucket list! :D soon~ may be during one of my ultra boring class

#3

i shall eat less meat (beef to be exact). after watching this vid clip from temple, i just realised our world is seriously in super deep shyt. SERIOUSLY. and plus i think it'll make my momma happy. i'm not suppose to eat it anyway :P GUILTAY~

#4

i am not gonna reactivate back my facebook until STPM is over

#5

i realise friendships that are formed with the opposite gender at this age is very temporary. actually, most friendships formed at this age are pretty wobbly...

#6

cherish every moment, second. it'll never come back

#7

digimon dusk is VERY addictive

#8

my liking for music genre differs depending on the language

english-pop/punk/rock (Boys Like Girls, Simple Plan, ... you get the idea)

chinese&korean- slow songs

#9

i get addicted fast and i get OFF addiction fast.

when i say addiction, i meant food, drinks, songs, games....

life of a trial-ager

trial-ager, a teenager preparing for trials..

if eating books will help boost memory.

i'll do it.

seriously.

no time.lack of time.no time.

one week is so not enough!

like how is it possible

finish syllabus is a week time.

its crazy

fuck trials man

i've wasted so much time already

last sat and sun- BREAK

monday- studied (kinda, then i ended up digimon-ing :/ guilty)

tues&wed- temple

thurs- parents prolly wants to go out (but i'll request to study)

fri- isna's place

sat- going out with ely?

sun- study

mon- school like usual

tues- trials

WHERE THE TIME TO STUDY??!

i'll now use whatever time i have to study.. yup yup. buck up child, trials ahead so lets not waste anymore time.

out~ back to my beloved books :/

its a holi holidayy~

so what?

cause; agenda: stay at home to "study".

why?

when school reopens in a week time (I KNOW RIGHT?!!! ONLY A WEEK!!!) its trial.

trial: that exam that we can use to apply for scholarships. the exam results used for our graduation which they will announce in front of the whole school whether u're one of those candidates that "lulus sepenuhnya, lulus sebahagian or lulus separa" or something equally degrading.

dies x.x

anyways~ still i wanna wish every school students out there, happy holidays :)

oh! & selamat hari raya to all that celebrates~

loool

i'm grateful for all the friends i have :)

her style, i LIKE!