i think i need to focus, FOCUS and just freakin' FOCUS!

cause of what happen lately i'm always just looking out through a window, thinking bout something. its like physically i'm here, yea. but then my mind is somewhere else, thinking bout endless things. always in a daze.

i think that was how my phone got stolen without even me realising, the strap hung out of my pocket, someone could have just stole it like that and i didnt realise until a few hours later.

i need to focus on my studies, anything&everything else should come second. i am tired of getting side-track by all these shits that happens which cause me lose my concentration.

and yea, i'll be joining mooting.

on thursday night, i had a deal with myself,

whatever shits thats gonna happen, i am NOT going to cry again.

but you see, things just sometimes dont wanna work the way you want them to. after a hellish week, you think it couldnt be any worse right? i fought with friends, lost some friends. my academics are probably suffering, cant really pay attention in class. whatever, the list goes on. and just when i thought finally, saturday, MUET is over. i came back home realising that my phone is missing. and no its not misplaced. its just MISSING. and i tried calling it went "the number u dial is unreachable..." and you see i didnt silent my phone and i charge the batt last night, so yea, it cant possibly run out of batt.

i just dont know why anymore. may be its fun messing with me, pushing me to my limits, see how far i can go before i crash completely. idk, may be its just some sick joke from someone, somewhere beyond my comprehension and control. i really dont know. the phone is just 2 months old...i really dont know what to say to life anymore. i just dont. i'm just hoping the best case scenario to happen : it fell off somewhere in the car, hit something and switched off by itself, but we all know how ridiculous that sound, and if it really did happen like how i thought it can play out, that will be a miracle, and yes, thats all i'm hoping for..just a freakin miracle.

and yes, i havent shed a single tear, i'm planning to keep what i promise to myself on that thursday night.