i love it when my dad tries to make my wish come true...
but something has been bothering me, and so i've decided to blog it...
no, its not for the hope that some hobo sees it and tries to help me out..
no its not for attn seeking purposes, cause if it was that i would have fb-ed instead of writing it in my bloody sad blog that no one even checks out on.
and no, i am not a depress child
so ima gonna go for this trip to climb Mt.K this coming jan.... with my classmates..
and i dont know whether i should go or not. (so i've already gave the deposit or whatever and passed up my ic) but you see thing is I STILL DONT!
why?
cause is it better for me to be there or not? will things be awkward?
THAT'S WHY.
so he said he wants to be friends, but thing is, if you really do, you can always text. i mean i know you informed the whole class to bring photocopied IC. eveyrone but me, what am i suppose to think about THAT? and the excuse for not having my number is just bullshit. true i have changed my number, but my original number is not disposed off yet ..
okay~ so i've heard you lost all your contacts..SO? the bloody form has my number on it. so what do you want me to make out of that?! sigh~ lost cause, i know.
its not like i can ask, another un-answered question that only allows assumptions to be done. again, with the assuming...
words are uttered in that sense whereas actions are showing otherwise
its the little things that shows. i'm no genius but reluctancy and hesitation is obviously there.
why should i go to a place with a bunch of people(okay so may be its not a bunch but just a few) who obviously doesnt want me there.
i am no thick-skinned, and i sense awkwardness in the air easily.
i can pretend i dont see it, feel it. but deep inside i know.
sigh~
for what purpose do i go? just so that i can make my own dreams come true, since i've always wanted to climb Mt.K.. just so that i can release you from your guiltiness of knowing that if i dont go, its cause of you?
but is it worth it? cause i may be able to climb next time, probably with people who actually wants me there, instead of, well yea...
lately, i really felt that i've lost you too. may be its cause i've been distancing? idk. no, actually its more like i dont know how to react to it. or what to do about it.
you're close to a person who i cant even talk to, what am i suppose to do bout that...
and NO, i dont hate you or anyone else for that matter.
its probably my own problem. everyone chooses their own path. so yea, there's no right or wrong in whichever road anyone choose. its reality i guess. its a bitch and we all just have to accept it.
yup, acceptance.
hence why i'm pretty glad why school is over. cause its really awkward and weird for me in school. sometimes i dont even know where i belong, where should i go, how should i act, what should i do. stressing. yea~ and its not even about academics. SERIOUSLY =.=
i tried staying smiley all the time, some days are better than others. smiling all the time does help, cause it actually feels like your really happy, so yea, thats good to that.
and some days are just hard..and so i gave up on my act and just tell the world i'm moodless. cause you see truth is, i am. my happy mood killed by my very own thoughts.
happiness & friends-- so hard to grasp it's meaning and how it feels as you get older, and heck i'm just 19 this year T_T hahah~ oh wells.
LIFE
x
0 comments:
Post a Comment