she always make me choose between what i really want and what i need to do. always, without fail. god, i really hate it. that's one of the reason why i hate her so much. today, for the first time ever i'm choosing what i want instead of what i should do. it bugs me so much. i think about it every waking second. no one knows it but its really eating me up. the guilt. i dont understand why she wants to torture me like this. i really dont.

i guess this is the main reason why i'm so indecisve. how exactly can you choose between what you want and what you have to do? tell me! i'm really having second thoughts now. should i go for what i have planned for weeks just for something she signed me up two days back without consulting me? fck fcking fck. i hate this feeling, this position she constantly puts me in. people say live a life with no regrets. i doubt i could ever live a life like that.

one day ima gonna die due to my heart getting soooo weak =.=